The Musician's Cursein music life
And I wonder - will you miss your old friends once you've proven what you're worth? And I wonder - when you're a big star, will you miss the Earth?
I heard some news this weekend that really shook me up - that one of my old musician acquiantances and his wife of several years had recently split up.
He's a young dude and his band is killing it, and I know first-hand how rough that is on a relationship, so it was not suprising at all. Yet somehow it was also simultaneously shocking.
It's brought up a lot of emotions and thoughts that I didn't have time to jot down, but I had this weird feeling all weekend. This feeling like I had to get off a plane that all my friends were on, and that plane later went down.
Another buddy of mine just moved to a new town, stocked with tons of music and musicians. He's trying to make a run at it, and is out and about meeting musicians and going to shows. It's causing a little bit of strain on his relationship, since his girl is out there for work, not to socialize.
I empathize with both parties. Once the music bug bites you, and god forbid you find some success with it, it's almost impossible to find anything to do with yourself that feels as meaningful as that. Pursuing music and playing music is one of the highest callings I've ever felt. I think it's kind of a miracle that I didn't go completely off the deep end when I walked away, and another miracle that I've managed to find a work situation and a home life that together have surpassed music in terms of how much, I dunno, living I get out of life now.
But on the other hand, I don't talk to God nearly as much as I did when I was playing music full time.
So yeah, I heard that news and my reaction was both really sad for them and really glad it wasn't me, and I'm guessing that's kinda what they call "survivor's guilt". In my opinion, it's basically impossible to be the kind of man you want to be for your family at the same time that you're being the kind of musician that you want to be for yourself, and for that higher calling. That's why it feels sort of like a curse to me.